On a Surprising Find and Running Whales through Colanders

I have been struggling what to write in this blog. It seems there’s a hundred things bound up in my heart, with all the words trying to come out at once but none actually succeeding, like a hundred whales trying to swim through a pasta sieve. And then, I heard this pastor speaking while I was driving my car and flipping through the channels. And he says everything that my heart is crying out for, desiring to know, to give, to understand, to put into words. Especially after the 9 minute marker, or the last 7 minutes, if you are in that much of a hurry.

Seeking Only God’s Approval (pt2)

I highly encourage you to take about 30 minutes to listen to this, especially if you seek help and encouragement on “how to die to yourself daily, live for Christ and develop a passion to reach the lost and dying.”

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On Borderless Oceans and Frozen

“Spirit take me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters,
Wherever You would call me.”

(Oceans, by Hillsong)

Lately God has been teaching me more and more about following Him, no matter what it looks like to me. It’s Him I’m following, and, as long as I can see Him, why should I worry about what’s in front of Him? To do so takes my eyes off of what’s really important and puts them on the things I can’t control anyway.

To walk where there is no borders. In a move that was very, very far from anything I had planned, I signed up for another three month internship at Hope City. While this was something that I did not really have a lot of personal desire to do, it has been made extremely clear to me that this is where God wants me to be for the next several months. For example, Bryce and I worked and saved for over a year to get the money for the first track of the internship, and still needed to raise support. This track, thanks to the generosity if a few people, has been totally paid for- both the internship itself and my expenses while I am here.

Speaking of provision, my husband and I just had the opportunity to attend One Thing, a year end conference and celebration put out by IHOP in Kansas City. Through a string of events that I can’t even begin to understand other than God providing, we were able to get our entire hotel stay and conference tickets and a very good meal for free. Without asking for any of that. While we could have paid for them if needed, it is a huge blessing, as it helps his budget stretch just that much further. Thank You God!!! He cares about even the little things!

I find through these experiences that I feel like my fear, my worry, my timidity is breaking off like shedding a stone cocoon. Or like Elsa shedding her queen finery in that famous scene in Frozen. (Yes, you may now sing “Let it Go” loudly, unless you’re in a public place. Then scream it 🙂 ) I feel like I am being reborn, exposed for what I really am. And that has lots of both good and bad things. But, I am willing to face the humiliation and the joy, in order to be closer to my Savior.

To walk on water, on a great expanse. With no concept of where the end point is, of where the next step is beyond the one that brings you closer to the Beloved. Is there any greater joy?

Lord, draw us ever closer to You!!!

Of Icebergs and Doves

(Continuing my weekly blog from Hope City. Sorry the writing is a little rough this week- I’m having a hard time putting this one into words, but want to share it anyway.)

This week, I was in our prayer room thinking about God, and I saw life as a trip walking across water- walking in faith. And, that, on that water, there are icebergs- large ones. These icebergs get in the way of our walk, and then we have no choice but to force us to detour, or to walk over them, both options of which leads to the iceberg, which I saw as the lies we believe, being our foundation, instead of faith. But, God’s love and our love of Him is great warmth, and it breaks apart the iceberg, even as the water of faith laps at the iceberg and erodes it to nothing. Faith and God’s love lead us forward in life, so that we can walk, unhindered by the obstacles in our lives and minds, so that we can see Him, see the truth. Internal obstacles are far stronger than external obstacles, but God overcomes all!!! Keep walking in a foundation of faith, not lies- lies get you nowhere except circling an iceberg.

Another thing I was thinking this week that I’d like to share- I’ve been feeling lately that the things I pray just aren’t ‘getting through’ into heaven- like the gates are shut to me. And that can be frustrating, especially being surrounded by people who don’t have that problem. And I saw that, while it is not yet my time to enter as much into heaven as I desire to, my prayers, my spirit are entering like doves flying through the bars of a gate. He hears our prayers, even if it does not seem that way to us. He hears. (The only thing that gets in the way is unforgivenese, so be sure to forgive everyone!!)

Thank You God for hearing us, and for giving us Your foundation to walk on!

On Rollercoasters, Perfume, and Victory

Continuing my (attempted) weekly blog from Hope City…

This was a week of many ups and downs, an emotional rollercoaster. It seems like every day would start out great and I would be holding tight to God’s promises and by the evening, I would be wrestling with some mental hurt. But, I know that I will walk in victory, because my savior is victorious over all!!!

One thing I am really learning this past week is how spiritual life is really, REALLY not dependent on physical life- both the outward and the mental situation. I was reading this week the story of the woman pouring the perfume on Jesus’ feet in Mark 14. The reaction of those around her was less than accepting. I don’t know how she felt, but I know that if that was me, I would instantly start questioning myself. Like “what am I doing?” “maybe they’re right- this was a stupid idea” “I should have sold it and given it to the poor- after all, isn’t that what Jesus would do? “ “He’s always helping others- I should do that and serve Him like that instead’ “after all, what man wants to go around smelling like a huge bottle of perfume?” “why did I even do this, why did I come?” … or something along that line. But, then Jesus says the greatest thing. He says (my paraphrase) “What you have done for me is honoring. What you have done will be remembered by others and by Me. Thank you.”

Talk about shutting up the doubts in your head.

He loves us- He accepts what we do for Him, even when we doubt its value. He just wants us to come to Him, to love Him, to give Him all that we can, even if it seems so little or so crazy. He is proud of us walking in the faith that what we are giving up, the path we are walking, the things we are doing, the little battles in our mind that we chose to let Him have, the secret act of service that no one else will ever know about, matters to Him. I chose to believe that He has me where I am in this life, that the sacrifices I have and am making to be here, are acceptable to Him and have a reason, even when I cannot see it.

Sometimes faith is walking blindly toward His light and love that shine so brightly we cannot see.

Lord, continue to increase my faith in You! Thank You for loving me always, for giving me the victory because You won the victory over all.

I thank each of you for your continued prayers for me and for this area. May God continue to bless you always, and may He draw you ever deeper into love with Him.