Focusing on the freight train, or a paradigm shift

Sometimes there are moments in life where your paradigm and thought changes so fast, it feels like a freight train just roared past at 200 mph, 6 inches away, and now your face is sideways, looking at the train and trying to understand it more, unable to understand all the things you thought pre-train, and knowing you will never be the same again.


I have just recently had one of those moments.  I was thinking about how much Christ gave in order to show His love, and how much we give and sacrifice in order to show our love to Him.  But then I thought- Wait!  Is it really a sacrifice?  It’s not easy, but, if we keep the mindset of the hugeness of the sacrifice, what’s the point?  I can give myself; someone else can give their selves and a ton of money, Jesus dies and gave everything to be with us, does it really matter? 


No, it doesn’t.


Now, don’t give up on me yet.  Let me explain.  On a certain plain, yes, of course all of those above things matter very much.  Especially what Jesus did for all of humanity.  It matters more than anything else ever has.




Those things happened in order to pay the price for something else.  If what you are obtaining in return is worth the cost (or more than it), does the cost matter?  It’s like selling everything you have to obtain your deepest dream and desire.  Once you obtain that, would you bemoan the loss of all that you’d paid?  Would it really matter?


I give Christ my all, my entire life and breath and all my steps and existence for eternity.  In return I get ever-increasing, ever closer knowledge and access of His heart.


He gave everything for me, and in return, He obtains my willingness to love and desire Him in return.


While I cannot speak for Him, I know I’m getting back infinitely more than I am paying….


Which makes the cost not matter.


And I know, for me, I want to focus solely on Him and all He has for me, weather I perceive it as bad or good, because, if I focus on what I’m giving up, it’s much harder to give up and it’s much harder to receive what He has for me.


And that is a sideways-face-train-bypass moment that I never want to get over.


Anticipating the music of the shrew….

Earlier this week, as I was working the soundboard during live intercession at IHOPE, I began to notice a sound- sort of.  Not really a sound, more like a feeling.  It was a buildup of certain frequencies and feedbacks that are sub-audible level, yet they make your ear hairs stand up.  As I’m standing there trying to figure out where it’s coming from and what to do about it with the awesome, and much more sound-board gifted guy who is teaching me, a level of panic sets into my brain.  What do I do?  The sound keeps building and building and I can feel it gathering into a massive ball of energy that is soon to go very audible and cause everyone to look at me as it finally resolves into a sound not unlike an angry owl with a cold dancing with a rabid cat to music being played by a flute powered by the armpit noises of a gigantic shrew…. OY!!!


And then, later, I thought about it and decided that is someone what Jesus’ second coming is like, but without all the owl-cat-armpit noise.  Those really listening can sense His coming, even though it’s not something really heard or seen unless you really know what to look for.  But, that momentum is building, and it will very soon be harder and harder to ignore, until, at last, it will become a huge Presence, and He will call and say “HEY!!!!  You know that thing that’s been tickling at the back of your mind you try to ignore but really can’t?  I’m that thing.  And I’m HERE.  You cannot ignore Me.  You will listen to me and acknowledge Me.”  And just like when the cat and owl start dancing, we will have to look to Him, involuntarily or voluntarily, as our individual cases may be. 


And He will be magnificent and amazing and, like the cat-owl thing, totally overwhelming (but much, MUCH more so) I think our minds will break in that moment, no matter how prepared we believe we are for Him, as we come face to face with our Savior.  (Which is my theory of why we so desperately need new bodies and minds RIGHT THEN, which He will provide, if we are following Him?) Whether the overwhelming is good or bad, we have a choice, and I’m so glad I’ve chosen to have it be good.


Thank You Jesus for Your overwhelmingness!!  Thank You for Your love and that You will and have made all things right.  You are victorious, and I ache for the sound of Your call.


Come Lord Jesus, come.

Blessed amid Chaos

My life looks like a mess right now.  I honestly don’t know how it’s all going to work out, because all is chaos and unknown.

But I am so blessed.  I live with a husband who loves me to the best of his ability.  I also live with a cat who does a wonderful job keeping my head warm at night and giving me the gift of white noise to fall asleep to.  I spend quite a bit of my time with friends, people I trust who trust and love me in return.  I am surrounded by the beauty of snow and winter trees in their bare-branch glory.  I am usually immersed in music that is worshipful to my Savior, music I want to hear and that turns my mind to the larger picture beyond what I can see.  I have the freedom to read my Bible, I have a computer to type these blogs on.  I have clothing to wear, even if it is quite a few years old, or a bit worn-out.  There is a bit of food in the fridge- enough for today and tomorrow, at least.  I have a car to drive that usually runs well, and the physical ability to drive it.

And more than that, if all the above dissapears, I am loved by a God Who will always love me, and Who takes care of my life.  Who sees me and thinks I am important. 

And what could ever be better!?!?!